Maybe
by SherlockXHolmes23
Summary: It's been months since what has happened in Countdown and Neal still can't forgive himself for what he has let happen. After thinking about it long and hard, he finally decides to do something about it. Peter may not agree, but it is the only way.
1. Duplicity

Author's Notes: I was on Facebook the other day, and someone posted a status saying, "Maybe I'm not the person everyone thinks I am." That, and other quotes like that inspired me to write this. It is a two-shot, the second chapter should be up tomorrow or the next day. Whenever I get it done. Also, because I am a shameless self advertiser, this is my livejournal account. (just take out the spaces)

http :/ mycroft x holmes .live journal . com/

Disclaimer: I don't own white collar. What I do own however, is a new pair of moccasins, and the second season dvd of White Collar. (It was my birthday on Thursday.)

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><p>"<em>Maybe I'm not the person everyone thinks I am."<em>

That one thing that Neal said kept coming back to him. Days, even weeks after it happened, it just remained in his head. It was puzzling him to no end. Peter was sorely tempted to pace his bedroom, if it wasn't for the gold ball of fur named Satchmo in his way. He finally maneuvered around Satchmo and reached for his laptop. He signed into the Marshall's website and searched up the only thing that would make him rest easy.

Sure enough, Neal's tracker was right where it was supposed to be, at Junes. So then why was Peter worrying about him? Everything was as it should be. He checked the clock at his right, and sighed. It was only 3:00 a.m. He reached for his phone and hit speed dial 4.

As the phone rang and rang, Peter cringed at what he would have to say to Neal, should he pick up. He couldn't possibly say '_oh hey Neal. I know you were probably catching up on some much needed sleep, but i was wondering, what exactly did you mean the other day?' _Luckily enough for Peter, the young con man didn't answer. Peter sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. He was worrying over nothing. Neal was probably asleep...

Peter moved towards his bed, getting ready to succumb to sleep once more. He was just about to get under the covers, his phone buzzed quite loudly. Sighing, Peter took his phone and squinted at the bright screen. It was Neal. He answered the call with a simple, "Hello?"

The voice that answered him definitely did **not** belong to Neal though. "Senor Burke! June, she need your help." The voice was high pitched and sounded frantic, which was an indication that everything was not alright at Neal's apartment. The voice belonged to one of June's various staff. A maid or something... Peter wasn't sure.

He heard June's voice over the phone, telling the Hispanic maid to give her the phone. "Peter..." She said, her voice somewhat quivering. "It's Neal."

A thousand images flashed through Peter's mind, each one more terrifying than the latter. He struggled to find his voice, but when he did, he asked, "What happened?"

An uncomfortable silence wafted through the phone. Peter swallowed uncertainly before June finally answered. "Just get over here as soon as you can... please."

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_"Maybe I'm not the person everyone thinks I am."_ That's what he told Peter, when the Agent had confronted him about his actions. His actions, which had nearly cost Elizabeth her life. It nearly cost both of their lives.

A sigh escaped his lips, and a frown appeared on his face. Everything had gone wrong because of him. Everyone and everything he ever cared about was hurt because of him. He left Sara heartbroken because of a dream she couldn't live, Mozzie had nearly died because of him, and even though Neal no longer is haunted by her, he knows that Kate's death is his fault too. And now Peter had been dragged into it.

Peter had every right to be angry with him; after all it was Neal's arch-nemesis who decided to kidnap his wife. It was Neal's fault because if he hadn't participated in that backgammon championship... if he hadn't met Keller, then none of this would have happened. Elizabeth would have never been taken, and Peter wouldn't have been in this situation.

Everything bad that had happened in Peter's life was Neal's fault. He briefly wonders what his life would have been like if he never suggested the deal in the first place, but Neal knows that even if he could turn back time, he would never turn his back on Kate, who still needed him to save her.

He could never turn his back on those he loved most, but this was a different matter. He wasn't leaving because he wanted to; if anything he had wanted to stay. He was leaving because he cared too much. Neal cared too much about Peter, about Elizabeth, to let anything happen to them. He knew that Peter would disagree with him, saying that it was a small price to pay for having a man like him around, but Neal knew when he overstayed his welcome.

He knew that it was only a matter of time before another man like Keller, but with much more murderous intent and less wit, would come along and do something awful to the man Neal considered to be both his partner and his friend. Neal knew that if he left now, all of the men that had a score to settle with him would leave as well. They would follow him as he went off the grid, and they would make their move in the darkness.

Neal continued to walk away from the bright city lights, determined to make it to the outskirts of town before dawn. He knew that Peter wouldn't officially start his search until morning, when he got into the office, so he had about a three hour head start. And he planned on making the most of it.

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	2. Knowledge

Author's Notes: Thank you all for the Story Alerts, Favorites and Reviews! :) Also to A Very Intrigued Reader: I had written the first part of the story a few months before I added the rest. I had no idea of what should happen so I left it as it was. Upon seeing the finale though, I thought that it would fit perfectly. I'm glad you liked it.

Disclaimer: See first chapter

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><p>"<em>Maybe I know him better than anyone else."<em>

Peter was so sure that he knew Neal, that he knew enough to write a damn biography of the man, but every time Peter thought he knew everything, Neal had to surprise him with something new.

Neal had a bad habit of surprising him when Peter least expected it. Like when Peter had learned what good a shot Neal was with a gun. It was unexpected and well…frightening. The darkness and the hatred in his eyes was the same when he held Fowler at gunpoint. Peter had assumed that Neal would try something, but he had no idea that he would bring a gun into all of this. He had always pictured Neal as nonviolent and innocent, even though the recent events had shown otherwise.

Peter had gotten ready as quickly and quietly as he could without waking Elizabeth, who was in an assumedly deep sleep (She had been taking sleeping pills ever since what happened with Keller.) . Peter left a note on his pillow, knowing that it would be the first place she would look. He slipped on his shoes and made his way to June's house.

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He made it to June's mansion in a couple of minutes. Luckily there was an open parking space in front of the house, Peter pulled into it with ease and knocked on the door. He was greeted by the same maid who had called him. She still looked nervous, but she led him up the stairs where June was waiting for him.

June had a worried expression on her face, and she kept on glancing at the anklet that was currently not attached to the conman that normally wore it. When Peter entered Neal's apartment, a warm smile appeared on her face, but it didn't reach her eyes, which still portrayed her worry. She said, "Peter I'm so glad you could make it on such a short notice."

"It's not a problem June. What happened with Neal?" Peter asked. He knew that June had a special type of bond with Neal, one that Peter couldn't really understand. It seemed like a relationship between a caring grandmother and her nephew, but there was something else there that Peter didn't understand. He couldn't define it really.

"When he came home I could tell something was up. I asked if everything was alright, but he brushed it off, saying everything was fine." June said, her warm smile fading. Neal had reminded her so much of her dear Bryon, so much that she had come to care for him like she did to her late husband.

'_Classic Caffrey, telling people he's fine when clearly everything is __**not **__okay._' Peter mused as he glanced over his partner's apartment. It was relatively clean, except for the shards of glass on the floor. There was a red stain on the hardwood flooring, one that Peter recognized as wine. Something must be really bothering the kid, because Peter knew that Neal gets destructive when he's really upset.

"After a couple of minutes though, I heard a crash." June gestured to the bits and pieces of glass that littered the floor before continuing. "I knew I had to do something… but I knew Neal needed some time to think, some time to be alone. So I let him brood for a couple of hours, just to let him think everything over. I had Maria bring up some tea, thinking it might help him but… he was gone."

She moved towards the table and picked up a piece of lined paper. "He left this." June said as she handed Peter the note. Peter took the note and read it over.

It said, "_June—I know you don't believe in goodbyes, but this one is necessary. I have to leave. I don't know when I'm coming back (if I ever do.). Hopefully though, things will be better off. Maybe this time, I will be able to stay away. –Neal"_

"Damn it…" Peter said, cursing softly. He should have seen it coming. He should have known that Neal would do this. But no, he was too caught up in his own business, too caught up in making sure that Elizabeth was okay to care.

"I'm assuming you know what happened to Neal?"

A short breath was expelled from Peter's lips as he said, "Yeah… It all started when Neal saved Elizabeth from Keller. After what happened… well he was never the same. What we had was never the same." This was marginally true. Their clearance rate was still the same (Maybe even higher, Peter wasn't sure.), and their working relationship was well… working. There wasn't that much Peter could say about it besides the fact that something was missing.

Peter remembers it well. It was a nightmare for the both of them, one that stays in your head for days, even weeks after it happens because it's just that scary. He recounts what happened to June as the memory washes over him.

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"_This isn't like you kid…" Peter said as he sat on the edge of Neal's bedside. "Going in guns blazing… It just isn't you."_

"_Maybe I'm not the person everyone thinks I am Peter."Neal says, his gaze not leaving the far wall of his far too white hospital room. Neal isn't sure if it's the pain medication that's making him feel numb or if it's just a contributing factor due to what happened. Whatever it is, he's grateful. _

"_Still… It was a bit shocking, finding you with a gun in your hands." Peter says as an image of a bloodied Neal wielding a gun runs through his mind. It's an image that will stay in his nightmares forever. He continues, "You normally stay away from them… I thought that maybe you would find another way to stop him."_

"_I did what I had to do Peter. You would have done the same." Of course Peter would do that. That's why he was so shocked that Neal did it. The two of them had a different way of doing things, Neal's way was almost always illegal and Peter's tended to be a little more legal. Neal was more impulsive, was more likely to get a gun pointed in his face. Whereas Peter was more likely to get the job done accurately and without injury. _

"_I know. But seeing you like this… I guess I'm not used to it, that's all." Neal gave Peter a peculiar look but said nothing in response. He knew that Peter was going to think of him differently, now that he had seen what Neal was truly like. But he wasn't worried about it all that much. He knew that Peter would get over it, like he had done before, when Neal had accused him of having Kate. He would adapt, because that's what he was good at. Adapting to a new situation and making the best of it._

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"Oh my…" June said, a hand on her chest in shock. She knew that Elizabeth had been kidnapped, but she had no idea what lengths Neal went to get her back safe and sound. June didn't put it past Neal to do whatever it took to get her safe again, but she just didn't know when he drew the line.

Peter nodded and put his hands on his hips. He began to think of all of the places Neal would go before leaving. He assumed that Mozzie didn't know, the odd man hadn't been seen since they got Elizabeth back. Neal hadn't said anything about it, so Peter left it alone.

Suddenly though, it came to him. He knew exactly where Neal would be. He told June of his plan, and before he left, she said, "Bring him home Peter."

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Neal was at the edge of town when he realized that he had forgotten to do something. He quickly headed back to Madison Square Park, where he had hidden Kate's engagement ring, and immediately went towards the statue. He ran it over with his fingers, admiring its cool touch. He was just about to chip away at it when he heard rustling come from behind him.

He was just about to turn and face whoever was behind him when he heard it. "Neal!"

It was Peter. '_Who else could it be? He always knew where to find me.'_ Neal mused as he lowered his hands from the statue. He knew it was a risk coming back, but what else was he going to do? He needed what he had hidden here, he needed it for his new life that was far far away from the Bureau. Far away from Peter.

"Are you here to arrest me?" Neal asked, his back still turned away from the agent. Peter knew what this park meant to Neal, he knew that Neal wouldn't dare leave New York without taking something with him. Peter knew it was worth a shot so that is why he stood, hidden by the shadows, by the bench, carefully watching the scenery in front of him.

"After all we've been through, you really think that I'm going to arrest you?" Peter said with a half amused, half serious smile on his face. He had hoped that Neal would know by now that Peter would back him up when he needed him most. When Neal gave no reply, Peter continued, "Neal… why didn't you tell me what was going on? I could have"—

"You could have what Peter? Made it all better?" Neal said, his tone turning hostile. Those few weeks after what happened was one of the darkest times Neal had to face. Mozz was gone, he was probably never coming back, Peter hadn't forgiven him yet and Sara had yet to return any of his calls. He was alone, and every one of those days the regret of not leaving with Mozzie grew.

"Neal…"

Neal shook his head and said, "There was nothing you could do Peter, so just stop trying and leave me alone."

"I'm not going to do that to you Neal." '_I'm not going to abandon you._' Peter almost added as an afterthought, but thought better of it.

"Why not? I've done nothing but hurt you since I brought up our deal. I've been nothing but a burden, to both you and Elizabeth." If it wasn't for Neal, Peter and Elizabeth would be gladly living their life, not having to deal with the aftermath of a kidnapping. And they wouldn't have to deal with the trouble that seemed to follow Neal wherever he went.

"You could never be a burden to us Neal." Despite what Neal thought, Peter actually did care for the man. He cared for him like… like a partner. Because that's what he was to Peter. They were partners.

"Even when I am at fault for Elizabeth's kidnapping?"

"Neal we've been over this already. It wasn't your fault." Peter knew that the few precious weeks after getting Elizabeth back were hard… they were hard on both of them. But in the end Peter had forgiven Neal. Because he was the one who saved her from Keller.

"Really Peter? You're going to tell me that? What's next? You're going to tell me that I'm not the reason why Keller is dead?" Neal said with such intensity that Peter took a half step back from him. Peter had never before seen Neal act like this. Sure, he had seen him at his worst, and at his best, but he hadn't seen this. This self-loathing part of Neal.

"Neal… It was self-defense. We all know that." Peter said, trying to reassure the young man. But when Neal averted his gaze and became quiet, Peter became wary. The evidence had led to self-defense and since Neal didn't tell him otherwise, Peter had just assumed that it was self-defense.

"Call it what you will, but it still ends with Keller being dead and me his killer." Neal still couldn't believe it himself. He had put the incident at the back of his mind in an attempt to forget what happened but almost every night he was rudely awakened by yet another nightmare. They all ended the same. Neal would be covered in blood that was both his and Keller's and Keller would lay next to him, dead.

A moment of calm silence passed before Peter spoke again. He said, "Let's get you home Neal, we can talk about this later."

Peter had just wanted Neal back in his radius, back home safe, so he couldn't help but feel surprised when Neal said, "I'm not going."

"Why?" Peter asked, shock evident. If Neal thought that Peter was just going to let him leave, he was sadly mistaken. There was no way in hell that Peter was going to stand by and let him walk away from his life.

"New York is getting old for me, I need something new. I heard L.A is good at this time of year."Neal tried to pull off his traditional Caffrey smile, but it didn't reach his eyes.

"Neal that's bull and we both know it. Now really, why aren't you coming back?"

Neal sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He picked his gaze off of the ground and on to Peter. Both concern and worry shone in his brown eyes, and Neal bit back a wince. He knew that Peter would do anything for him, but damn it, why did he have to look at him like that?

"You're better off without me Peter. You said it yourself, that I'm just a con." Neal said, lowering his gaze. That's all he was. He was a liar and a thief. A no good, dirty rotten thief. All he brought to this world was trouble. He was at fault for so many things…things that left him heartbroken.

"You should know by now that I don't give a damn about that." Peter said as he took a few steps closer to Neal. He held a small smile on his face, like one of a father trying to console his son after he dropped his ice cream. Peter placed his hand on Neal's shoulder and said, "Let's go home."

And with that, the two of them disappeared into the night, finally ready to move on.


End file.
